A long title I know, but I just finished watching a continental film, so my mind is a bit everywhere.
So, the other night, somebody said to me, 'Michael thinks your boobs are too big'. This person has a certain knack for saying things like this, which (I'm not altogether sure, but I think he believes them to be 'great' opening lines) tend to offend. Deeply. And this particular gem got me thinking. What are the things one simply should not say to a woman? This is one of them. In fact, it goes at the top of my list.
Unless she brings it up, leave her chest alone. I personally never believed a woman could have boobs big enough to be acceptable - indeed I thought that for the majority of men, the only truly satisfactory level of boob is just around the level of walking breasts, or breasts on legs (thereby satisfying both the 'leg man' and the 'chest man'). However, with this stunning revelation, I am forced to consider that perhaps I am wrong, now you can be too chesty? Brings to mind 'this porridge is too hot...and this porridge is too cold'.
The second thing which I find particularly offensive (although this is perhaps because I hear it every single time I'm with a particular group of guys who are talking about the 'best pickup lines' is: 'does this rag smell like chloroform to you?' Just no. It's not funny, nor is it likely to make her take pity on you. Sorry.
Actually, now that I think about it, both of these lines originate from the same source. Perhaps we must consider that he is just an excellent example of what not to do. A case, even, to be studied.
Assuming he reads this, he might even be pleased to note that he is in my blog, as he has repeatedly demanded that I incorporate him into my 'next post'. So he has made it. For those of you who don't know who this is, be glad, for those of you that have an idea, you're probably right, and I hope you have enjoyed this. For those of you who are lost, I do apologise.
On to one more matter, and a comment, no, I lie, two, you lucky things, which I hope you appreciate.
There are some people who make me get up in the morning. There are some people for whom I would walk over burning hot coals for. One of these such people puts up with me on a far too regular basis, bearing with me to watch stupid, terrible movies with me, at my insistence. You can imagine that comments would accompany this.
When I told him that I had just (totally legally) downloaded Resident Evil 4: Afterlife, the response was 'oh happy day'.
When I told him that I thought we should watch Burlesque (in cinemas January 13 in case any of you were interested), and told him to look up the trailer, I received this remark a few moments later: 'Cher AND Christina Aguilera? Fabulous. I just cannot wait. Who ever thought we'd be this lucky.'
These are things which, if you have a close female friend, I recommend you do say, as they make her laugh. And I know when I find somebody who makes me laugh, I consider them a blessing.
That being said watching Le Placard, a french (duh) comedy the likes of which only the french can do, also makes me laugh. So...you're all replaceable.
Just kidding
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