On massive disparities

Today boyfriend got accepted into postgrad law. I did badly on a French test. 


I feel there is a discrepancy here. My self esteem may or may not have plummeted.


I envy people like boyfriend, because what they want to do is so clear. Where they are going is so obvious. Conversely, I am, as I self-describe, a waste of resources in that I am an arts student with no clear desire as to where I want to go (albeit one with an above average command of the English language). 

I have always been told that I could do whatever I wanted. Thank god I never wanted to be a physicist, mathematician (any science specialist, really), or sportsperson. But growing up being told something like that, and beyond that (as arrogant as this sounds), accepting that the world really is yours for the picking is quite a daunting thing. Rather than being exceptional in one particular field, I have always been very good at a number of things. Rather than enjoying and being interested in only one area of academia, I have devoured knowledge like I devour chocolate.
I first heard the phrase 'jack of all trades, master of none' used when my mother was relaying a conversation she had with one of my teachers of the day about me. I had never thought too much about it, but I realised that being very good at a broad number of things, without truly excelling at one, can be a curse. 


I feel awfully arrogant contemplating this last paragraph, but I gave up modesty for lent and ever found it again. Kidding. I feel that false modesty is worse than a bible basher, and telling something straight up without any 'look at how fabulous I am' is refreshing. 


Anyway. I suppose the point I'm trying to make here is that finding your way isn't easy. That just because you have all the ability in the world, doesn't mean you'll achieve (although applying yourself would probably help here), that figuring out where to go and what to do can be the most daunting and unknown thing. 


What have I learned from today? 
Firstly, that I should have taken those stupid career advisory tests in school a) at all and b) more seriously. 
Second, that actually studying for a french oral results in a worse mark than the rather shocking ad lib that I did last semester.
Third, that not knowing what vocation I will ultimately embark on is terrifying the holy crap out of me. 
Fourth, that I am proud of boyfriend. 
Finally, pizza is the best thing ever and I ate too much of it. Relevance? None. But I had pizza tonight, and it was amazing.